Who am I?

Sometimes I wander whats the point of blogging the only people who read it are my sisters and maybe a cousin or two. But then I remember that the majority of the time i am really just righting down what ever nonsense fill the pages for my self. Sure every now and then I will give an update on our life for the in laws that live far away but really how many updates can one person have.
The past few days my thoughts have been focusing on one thing "Who am I?" I know everyone asks this question probably daily and I know the obvious answer I am Jaimie a daughter of God and a wife that is loved deeply by her husband but there is more to everyone one than that. It may be silly but I have always wanted to that girl that goes out and will fix the fence the kind that will just get the job done with out needing help from a man or being pushed to do it. I have always wanted to be that girl but I am not. The truth I am a girl who fears everything, daily i convince my self that the horse I ride wont kill me or if he takes of and I can stay on. These may be small things for some people and yes it is silly that a person who has been riding horses for over 10years still feels like that scared little girl that had to be led around before she would do anything alone.
Fear has ruled my life in everything, I feel like the type of girl that people after look after and push to get things done. My sister Lindsay has always been the go to girl the girl that if she wanted could go outside and fix the fence. She doesn't need anybody to push her to work she is a natural born worker and We tease her about being needed and always wanted attention but really she is one of the most independent people I know. I have always wanted to be like Lindsay. She gets the job done and she does it with out fear.
I have learned that fear is one of the most powerful weapons the devil uses to keep us from striving and it is my biggest weakness, and I don't know what to do about it. I want to be the girl that get the job done. I know my fears and there are a few I know I can control but there are some that I feel will over come me. I have a happy life and amazing husband and an amazing family but there is something that I am lacking something that I know only I can find. I know this post isn't very clear but these are the thoughts that go through my head daily. I am constantly wondering, what I am doing wrong? Why am I always scared? Who am I? Who will I be?
My fears irrational or rational are there and they keep me from being "That Girl" as silly as it may sound I want to be the go to girl, the one who controls her fears, I just don't know how.