I'm a contributor too

I was changing some settings in Google and noticed that I'm a contributor to this blog as well. Imagine that. So I thought I'd assert my blogginess here to keep our blog going in some continuous fashion (this is heavily inspired by the fact that our friends, the Barnes, arealways updating their blog, and it's so good that even my sister follows it... *sigh*).

This last weekend was Laura's Senior Recital. The whole event has made me rather reflective (much, I'm sure, to Jaimie's annoyance). The bottom line of my reflection: a big family is both a massive blessing and at the same time full of heartache. Who among you have an instant 9 friends to call up and talk to, 9 people to visit and invite to your house for a good time, 9 people to blame for your childhood woes, and 9 people to blame for the best times of your life? (Not to mention their spouses/significant others and kids).

But that's 9 people you forget to call every week, 9 people whose birthdays you do little more for than send the (often late) card, that's 9 more people's feelings you have to worry about when making Christmas plans, and 9 more ways for your family to get mad.

Being the 6th child, I have had the odd position of being actively involved in the lives of all my siblings. I've watched Jessica go from my super-(second)-mom to her two kids' (first) super-mom. I learned the great ninja ways of mountain lion traps and eucalyptus leaf teas from Jason. I don't know how many 3D puzzles I helped Don with or how many nights he kept me awake kicking my bed from his bunk below. Sarah and I were the (obnoxious) shrimp duo. Barbara and I were bitter enemies until high school, when she was the best older sister known to humankind. Laura and I searched the car seat-cushions for enough money to buy Taco Bell after our weekly piano lessons. Ammon went from annoying to tender. John changed from moody to helpful. Dallon's just Dallon and that's great. He's probably a little too much like me.

Watching Laura deal with the enormous stress that culminated before her recital was such an eye opener. I realized how little I could help, and how little I was there for her when things were hardest. I suppose every older brother one day wishes he'd done more. I think about Jason and how often he was there to give me advice, and yet how little advice I can give him now. Who was Jessica's second mother? I never taught Dallon how to catch mountain lions. I don't include Don in my 3D puzzles. And nobody was looking out for Barbara in high school.

But then it's not all bad. Sometimes we're lucky and have the opportunity to give back. The night before the recital, Laura was so stressed she began to cry. I didn't know what else to do but give her a hug and let her stain my nice white shirt with mascara. I don't think it did all that much for Laura, but at least I got to tell her what we all need to hear sometimes: you're doing a great job, and you'll keep doing it.

I've reached the end of my reflective-ness with nothing to conclude. I guess it's where I started: big family = big blessing = heartache. That's 9 people who, without explanation, provide a full and rich life. It's 9 people I worry about. It's 9 people I see make good and bad choices, and 9 people to watch me make mine. But I suppose, most importantly, it's 9 people I wish I could tell (without feeling embarrassed or cheesy) how well they really are doing in life, how proud I am of them (if that matters), and how much I look up to them.

But then again, that would be 9 more phone calls I don't know I'll ever make.

Always on my mind....

Thoughts that run through my mind daily normally go like this...

Time to wake up...

I want to be a mom...

Did I get all my homework done?...

I want a baby...

Is class almost over?

Why does everyone have to be pregnant...

Time to do more homework...

I can't wait to be a mom...

I have to clean the house

One day I will have a baby...

What should I make Aaron for dinner...

I still want a baby...

I hope I pass all my classes...

I don't want to wait longer to have a baby...

Time to sleep...

I can't wait to have a baby...

I am not sure you can tell but I am a little baby hungry and it gets worse daily.The only thing I think about is how after I graduate I will be one step closer to being a mom. I am excited that I am getting closer to my degree not only because of the other benefits that may come after but also because I will have accomplished the biggest goal in my life. Aaron and I will go to to grad school and start a wonderful adventure. All of this is just a year and half away. I may be a little nervous to leave but I can't wait to stand by Aaron to live out his goal just like he is doing with me. So many things on my mind but none out weigh the overwhelming desire to be a mom.

Camping at Mirror Lake

We were able to go camping a few weeks ago before school started and we found an amazing campsite. We did however forget flash lights and there was no moon because there were scattered thunderstorms throughout the night. So of course it was very difficult to see from nine on but we did have a beautiful fire going that we all huddled around to stay warm and cook dinner. Which I might add was an extremely yummy dinner (we were in charge of food, my favorite part of camping). Aaron and Drew also had a good time fly fishing while Jessica and I stayed by the fire trying to stay warm. We were able to stay dry in the tents at night but we didn't really get a chance to sleep because we forgot sleeping pads and Aaron and I forgot our own blankets but luckily Drew and Jess always bring extra. We were also Lucky enough to see a family of moose! It was an amazing thing to see. They really are amazing to watch. This truly was beautiful. It was so much fun and I am hoping we can go again next year.

My Grandma

As I sit and watch Aaron attempting homemade chocolate ice cream for the second time I can't help but think of the time we have spent together and our future to come. My grandpa who is in his late 80's is going to marry a very wonderful lady tomorrow. I bring this up because even though for some reason my grandpa remarrying has been surprisingly harder for me than expected I can't help thinking that if Aaron was in this position I would want him to find someone to keep him company. I love the thought of becoming old together and always having him there when I wake up every morning.

When I started this post I wanted to talk about the future and everything it has to hold but I can't stop thinking about my Grandma. I remember clearly the day she passed away because a couple days before she couldn't remember who I was, but the morning my mom went to go see her I had a feeling that I had to go see her. I didn't know what it was because the doctors scheduled her to be released from the hospital that morning, however when my mom got there she had taken a turn for the worst. That night after school was very difficult for me. My grandma has always been very important to me. She was sick for quite a while but she always seemed so strong, I have never understood where she got her strength. Most the time I believe she was ready to go but stayed for my grandpa. There were many occasions when in the middle of the night she would stop breathing and we would rush her to the hospital, she always came back for my grandpa.

I always miss her but this weekend as been extremely difficult. I am so happy for my grandpa and I love Laurel, the woman he his marrying. He needs companionship and in a way I believe my grandma has had a helping hand in this. I don't want him to be lonely but taking out some of the furniture from my childhood made me feel like my grandma was leaving. I do have a few things from her jewelry that I wear constantly and when I wear them I feel like she is with me. My grandma taught me the importance of staying strong during the many years she was sick, because of her strength my grandpa was able to say good bye when the time was right. She did stay strong for herself but more importantly she stayed strong for him and her children. She has always and always will be on mind and in my heart. She was a truly amazing women and I know because of her I will be a better person. Not only because of what she taught me but also because of her I have an amazing mom who keeps her memory alive.

Grandma I love you and because of you your family is better.

Working towards a healthy life style

At the end of June I decided it was time I took control of my life style, I have too long eaten like a teenage boy. Aaron and I have been married just a little over a year and in the that year I have gained 20 or 25 pounds. I know this is common but I know if I do not take control now I can lose control of my life. I signed up for a 24 hour fitness gym pass and have been working with a personal trainer. I see him two times a week at 6:00am and do my best to go on my own the other days. I haven't lost any weight but I can tell I have lost inches.

Current weight: 150

Goal weight: 125

I have been working out every day but my food choices are lacking. I find myself eating more but instead of eating more fruits or veggies it is more tacos, pizza, and other unhealthy fried foods. I have always struggled to eat healthy but I have recently noticed the effect it has on my day. This summer my goal is to not just loose weight but to also learn how take better care of my body, and other aspects of a healthy lifestyle. Not only will I have a better life because of it but my mom is going to buy me a lovely prize when the weight loss is accomplished. I have decided to keep track of my goals and accomplishments on the blog because it will help me keep it up. It is time I took action and this is how I plan to do it. So wish me luck as I try to accomplish these goals and if any of you have suggestions on how to live a healthier life style I am more than willing to take them.

I sorta love him!

Aaron is an amazing husband, he is sweet, loving, goofy and just kinda sorta perfect. He takes amazing care of me and makes me happier than anyone ever has. I am very blessed to have a husband who will protect me and make sure we have everything we need. He leaves me every morning at 6:30 and I don't see him until 6:30 that evening. He works so hard to give me a beautiful home and makes it possible for me to concentrate on school. He helps me follow my dreams and encourages me to try new things. I try to thank him with a clean home and a cooked dinner but I sometimes struggle with being a homemaker. I am so grateful to have a man in my life that I can always depend on and loves me as much as I love him.

So Aaron thank you for being my husband and thank you for always being there! I couldn't do it with out you. Because of you I will graduate, be the mom I am suppose to be and live a few of my dreams before it is too late. I love you!

Eternal Life, Happiness, Love and Family. What else is there?

During conference weekend Aaron and I walked around temple square while we waited to have dinner with a few of our friends. as we sat in the little courtyard near the Joseph Smith building I couldn't help but think how blessed am I am to be part of the LDS church and to have an eternal family. The temple is a very special place and recently I have been able to understand how much I love to go and how much heavenly father loves us.

We have been blessed to be able to live for eternity with the ones we love. I can't imagine not knowing what would happen once life on earth is over. I know that I am truly part of something great. I have a purpose hear on earth. I will raise my children to know the beauties of this world and the world we are waiting to join. I love the church and I hope I will raise my children to love the church.

My parents have been wonderful examples. My dad has always told us how much he loves the church and how blessed we all are to have the gospel in our lives. We would rarely go a day with out hearing his testimony and because of the my testimony stayed strong. I hope i can keep the gospel strong in my home and always find a way to make it part of our daily conversation.

Math Complete and Doors Open!

I finally did it! I finished my online math course through BYU. After this experience I have decided I will never ever teach algebra and I will never do it again if i can help it. The wonderful thing though is i finally made it over the fence into greener areas! I was residing in a swamp before with this horrible math class. The best part of getting this all over with is that I will not be mad at my loving husband for helping me with math. It got to the point where I had his best friend help by listening to Aaron's instructions and then Rex simplifying what Aaron said so I could understand. Really it was more if Aaron talked to me I would become extremely anger so Rex was a mediator. I think it is safe to say Aaron and I are much happier with this math class out of the way.
It was wonderful to know that i was able to start something and finish it. I have always worried I was a sort of flake. I have my moments just like everyone, when I say i will do something and then it never gets done and I never think of it again. I have using my college experience to prove i am the opposite. I know being a high school drop out never helps much but it is always fun to see the surprise on peoples faces when they find out you can be in college without a GED. Oh how i love to surprise people. And hey I am defiantly staying original. That's what I think I will say, I dropped out of high school to maintain my originality. As my semester comes close to the end i realize that math really took up all my time and I am a little behind. Luckily though the majority of the books that need to be read before the semester ends are no higher than a 6th grade reading level, and my art projects have to do with potato stamps, tear art, finger painting, and painting rainbows! Life is good, I have picked a major where I get to finger paint! Now how many of you can say you finger painted for an hour today in class.
I can't wait to be a teacher and unfortunately is will be harder than school but much more rewarding which in my opinion makes it worth it. i would love to teach at a school but what I really want to do is open my own preschool! When I was younger I had great preschool teacher, who I absolutely love! And growing up her classroom was my favorite place to play! I want to create and environment just like the one Teri created. Finishing this math class really helped me understand that i am really almost there! The door to my future is finally open!
I will soon find out if i was excepted into the program and I am keeping my fingers crossed and I really hope you all are too. I will post weather or not a get in as soon as I receive the letter, my advisor thinks i will get in just fine so keep you fingers crossed, and wish me luck!!!!!

Who am I?

Sometimes I wander whats the point of blogging the only people who read it are my sisters and maybe a cousin or two. But then I remember that the majority of the time i am really just righting down what ever nonsense fill the pages for my self. Sure every now and then I will give an update on our life for the in laws that live far away but really how many updates can one person have.
The past few days my thoughts have been focusing on one thing "Who am I?" I know everyone asks this question probably daily and I know the obvious answer I am Jaimie a daughter of God and a wife that is loved deeply by her husband but there is more to everyone one than that. It may be silly but I have always wanted to that girl that goes out and will fix the fence the kind that will just get the job done with out needing help from a man or being pushed to do it. I have always wanted to be that girl but I am not. The truth I am a girl who fears everything, daily i convince my self that the horse I ride wont kill me or if he takes of and I can stay on. These may be small things for some people and yes it is silly that a person who has been riding horses for over 10years still feels like that scared little girl that had to be led around before she would do anything alone.
Fear has ruled my life in everything, I feel like the type of girl that people after look after and push to get things done. My sister Lindsay has always been the go to girl the girl that if she wanted could go outside and fix the fence. She doesn't need anybody to push her to work she is a natural born worker and We tease her about being needed and always wanted attention but really she is one of the most independent people I know. I have always wanted to be like Lindsay. She gets the job done and she does it with out fear.
I have learned that fear is one of the most powerful weapons the devil uses to keep us from striving and it is my biggest weakness, and I don't know what to do about it. I want to be the girl that get the job done. I know my fears and there are a few I know I can control but there are some that I feel will over come me. I have a happy life and amazing husband and an amazing family but there is something that I am lacking something that I know only I can find. I know this post isn't very clear but these are the thoughts that go through my head daily. I am constantly wondering, what I am doing wrong? Why am I always scared? Who am I? Who will I be?
My fears irrational or rational are there and they keep me from being "That Girl" as silly as it may sound I want to be the go to girl, the one who controls her fears, I just don't know how.

Dreams are meant to come true

This semester in school I am taking a children's literature class, and for once in my life I am excited to read the textbook. The whole book is made up of passionately written textbooks and a lot of it is telling teachers to back off and let the student experience an adventure that no one else can experience. I have always loved reading but rarely find time for it because I am either in class, doing homework, at the ranch, or cleaning. Well okay I clean when I don't have homework so that doesn't happen a lot at the moment but thankfully Aaron understands.

This has helped me remember my dream to write children's books. My blog doesn't really show my talent for writing mainly because I don't always go back over what I write and I just kind of type whatever pops in my head. However, my niece is turning two soon and I thought that was the best way to see if I had the talent to write 10 pages with a couple sentences on each page. Most would find that pretty easy and maybe it is but I have been terrified for some silly reason.

I loved having the idea in the back of my mind to one day have a library of books that I wrote for my children. I never necessarily felt the need to publish anything but I have always wanted my children to experience the things I love most. Today as I sat in my Art class for elementary school teachers instead of listening to the lecture that I will probably be quizzed on unfortunately, I just wrote for 2 hours and before I knew I had a story about a girl who loves stars and every day her mom kisses her good night and tells her to shine bright. I don't know if it is any good or if it a work of art. I don't know and I don't care because I did it. Now for those who don't know my niece loves stars which is where I got the idea and I tried to write a mom that resembled my sister and I know to her Margaret shines brighter than any star in the sky.

I don't really know why I felt the need to share this with the maybe two people that read my blog but to me the accomplishment was profound and I will one day have my own library of books for my children and for anyone else that wants to enjoy it.

I hope for whoever is reading this will go out and make time for their dreams and their passions. I know their are mothers out there who may say "You don't have kids yet, try then" or someone with a stressful job or school schedule will always have an excuse. I have a stressful school schedule but this year for once I am making time for my dreams and passions, I am making time because one day i want to say to my children "I live my dreams, so why can't you live yours?" Wake up early, stay up later, just do whatever it takes. We are given dreams for a reason, lets do something about it. I know later in life it will get more and more difficult but the joy I felt today when I called my family to see what they thought or when I called my mom to see if she would illustrate it for me (I am a terrible artist) was one of the proudest moments of my life. I want my future children to know that feeling and I know if I live my dreams then maybe they have a chance of living their own.